Well my friends, nothing like updating my blog every 13 MONTHS! (sidenote: I started this recap in April and now again August).
But before all my London/Reno (later on Tahoe/San Fran the next place I'll be living in the next 3-5 years) travels get spilled, I would like to recap you on the gap that existed prior to that; a time which was filled with some great news, wonderful artistic experiences and one utterly devastating altering life event.
This will be a long, often scattered entry but will clear the road for upcoming blogs that discuss travels/auditions in London, Cardiff (my favorite new place), Leeds, Berlin, Dusseldorf, and Leipzig.
Now
lets do the time warp... (sorry I'll admit I've never seen this movie, but had to do the insert).
In my last update I had just visited the lovely Sonia Rodriguez Bermejo (Vega) and her dear fiance Moises Ruiz de Guana in the outskirts of Madrid. A trip that was the one of the most beautiful along my travels in Europe. The time after that (let alone the 10 weeks that preceded that) all seem like a flash.
I scurried back to Germany for two auditions that final week, a bunch of meet ups with my new Germany chums and it all seemed like the sun had come out again (literally and figuratively). I think the transition of language, new surroundings, and the unfamiliarity of it all (away from all that you love, know and trust) can come at what feels like an overwhelming price. Instead of releasing that feeling when I was literally half way the through the experience, it was the last week that brought on the excitement of accomplishment and excitement about returning to the US.
Oddly enough, being away in Europe was the first time I've felt such a strong sense of being American (if not be IN America).
So off I went to the airport (for the third time that week!?!?!) and raced back to America. Like always, it only took the steward giving me five "this should be only for first class" items until I realized he was flirting with me. Come on Edwin, wake up. His name was Allain, lovely gentleman and ain't nothing like a pick me up like the kind/genuine company of a nice gentleman on the way back to the States. Even more so, its even more exciting-er when he tells you that there was a murderer on the plane being escorted by a marshall. Is this not cause for extra pillows for all on board!? Dance parties to alleviate flight tensions/lag?
As I was welcomed back to the craziness that is New York, I only had about two days to scurry around hugging every friend I could and auditioning in what would become my international and professional debut with the
English National Opera.
After an awesome 40 minute audition with Tom Morris (director of War Horse) where we first sat and talked about the Israeli/Palestine conflict for 15 minutes (the reappearance of table discussions will come up when reviewing the Kling process (which BTW I so loved), I sang Martin Guerre (why did this musical DIE or never live really???) and later some Frisch zum Kampfe). I then scurried off to catch a plane to Chicago (one of my favorite cities) a place I sense living fulltime in the coming years; hopefully by then global warming will be quite advanced and tame their winters). I then started "work" at the Chicago Opera Theater in a compelling production of Medee (French Baroque opera). I put work in quotations because this job seemed/was SO dreamy to me. I was living in a
hotel on Chicago JUST OFF MICHIGAN AVENUE!.... JUST. OFF. MICHIGAN AAAAAAAAAAVENUE! (for free!!!!) at a hotel where a maid would come and do my dishes every week. I will save you all the retyping filled with many !!s. I just could not get over the accommodations. I'm getting giddy just flashing back to it in my memory. There would be times where we'd be tech-ing (last few days leading into opening night) where I'd be sitting waiting (an indefinite amount of time for a lighting cue to be fixed) thinking "wow, look how beautiful this scrim is" or "wow, I'm getting paid right now to just have FUN!? After working day in and out at a corporate job, its an amazing/freeing/run-to-it-and-dive-in experience to then work only as an artist. There was not a rehearsal (even if I was called for three hours and not used once) that I wouldn't be staring out of the magnificent rehearsal space in the Performing Arts building looking out onto Lake Michigan.
Chicago holds a dear place in my heart. I had an amazing (and very instrumental education) experience at
Roosevelt University: Chicago College of Performing Arts where I got Masters degree and Artist Diploma (joint program with Chicago Opera Theater young artist program), met four wonderful, now life long, friends from Old St. Mary's (thank you Marlene Meier for getting me the job at Old St. Mary's) and really got to live a happy life that balanced personal/physical growth, a short 4 hour drive home (especially having moved away to
boarding school at the age of 12) to my loving parents/brother and the birth/nurturing of life long friendships that add so much value to my life (shout out Bonnie, Dana, Jim/Boris, Becky, Katie, Holly, Ashley, Terry, Mike, Julio, Erika...) I mean this list is obnoxiously long and these names are just the skimming of the beauty that, to me, was Chicago.
The beauty of opera jobs is that you learn/memorize your music before the first day of rehearsals. That's not always the case/expectancy when you're singing in the ensemble (as I was here) but if you are memorized then that presents little/to no work once you start your job. I anticipated this as I wanted to spend every waking moment outside of rehearsal with my friends, and that I did. After three months of living in Berlin, working at COT and the gift it provided of time with friends (and did I mention THE HOTEL) was such a boost for my morale and spirit. Being away from home (while in Berlin) was also balanced out by the fact that I could take a bus (thanks big bro) back home to spend time with my family for Easter weekend. Another gift that I didn't see coming... who to thank? COT, CCPA, EVERYONE!?!?!
The time flew buy but I cherished each moment.
And this moment was in large part due/made possible by the wonderful people at the
Park Hill Group.
In what originally was a three month leave, after COT called me to do
Medee, my job THEN extended my leave for a total four months (that's longer than women get for maternity). I was and STILL am five definitions deeper than grateful for this gift. Our parent company Blackstone is a bit more on the traditional side when it comes to the corporate lifestyle, so this kind of leave was a long shot from my perspective. But my team, without a blink of an eye, supported me and stood behind my ambitions. I still can't make any/much sense of their generosity and hoped that the work I did leading up to that decision made it easy for this to happen AND would be paid back double when I returned back in May.
Big shout out/thank you/how-could-I-have-done-this-without-your-support to the Park Hill Group pictured below (photo taken just after our Secret Santa's were revealed):
When I returned from my Germany/Chicago trip, we grew by four WONDERFUL new additions (shout out to Mark, Kurt, Damali and Danyelle) and I got some sort of promotion where I worked exclusively on special projects for the project management team. (I say some sort because who leaves and gets a better job upon return!?).
I came back to work with a fiery energy (who wouldn't after four months off?) and really happy to be around my friends at PHG. I've never worked at a (corporate) job where I was genuinely happy to see/be around the people at work. They are some really special people and the environment that Pat/Alex have created/nurture is one of hard work but over flowing with laughs and kindness. The money, time (to do artist things) and support I got from this "job" was incredible. I say "job" because to me it was just a race of short term projects (many of which I could do while multitasking) in an environment where my cellphone was paid for, free breakfast/lunch, 401k, out-of-this-world-no-monthly-fee-health-benefits (massage every week WHAT!?!?!), learning a new skill set and again WORKING for WONDERFUL people. Which bares the question: How can the H in PHG not stand for heaven!? This group of folks (and people from other groups within our firm) would come to my shows and showered me with so much support it was more than any boy could dream of. They'll never know how that sustained/sustains me.
By this time I knew there was an end it sight... to some degree. I got contracted to do John Adams'
The Death of Klinghoffer (trailer attached so you can see lil ole me running around with a gun, which I do shoot in the second act after singing a high C). Of course. Its opera (done terrorist style). I was also offered a fest position (a full time opera singing job and the initial reason for going out to Germany for three months) in Schwerin (a small town outside of Hamburg). I got that "I think I really landed this job here" type feeling after this audition. The opera house was lovely and right across the street from a castle. I would have loved to have taken that job, then ran away to guest at ENO, but alas they would not release me from 3 weeks of a 5 week rehearsal for a show. Their resistance also foreshadowed that they most likely would not excuse me from any bits of my schedule to do guest work at other opera houses (which is another way one builds a career while in Europe). I was gracious for their offer but decided to go with ENO.
An unexpected gift, just after returning from Germany/Chicago, came from my family.
My aunt and uncle were traveling to Spain and decided to pit stop in NYC for a few days before heading overseas. My brother then convinced my mother it would be a great opportunity to come up to NYC.... by GREYHOUND! Yes folks Cincinnati to NYC. About 18 hours on the bus. The GREYhound bus. I don't know how he or she did it but they got here and were SMILING when I met them at the bus station. SMILING I tell you. You woulda thought there was a Greyhound PR Camera shooting them getting off that bus.
We had a lot of fun on this trip but of course it was clouded by small town traveler drama. To put it short: my uncle rented a place from someone on Craigslist that:
1. WROTE IN ALL CAPS
2. SPELLDE INCORREKTLY
3. THANK GOD FOR BRINGING HIM INTO HIS LIFE (to rent his apartment!?!??!?! wasn't this warning enough)
4. ASKED FOR MONEY IN A WIRE TRANSFER
and here's the tip of the "not even NYC people with cars do this for their family" iceberg
5. OFFERED TO PICK THEM UP AT THAT AIRPORT
All this lavish experience for ...you guessed it $89/night ...on the Upper West Side no less
Suffice to say I ended up getting them a place across the GW (this was done AFTER our elevator STOPPED working in my building, where I lived on the sixth floor). Did I mention my mom was wheelchair bound?
We had a great time. They took a day to go traveling on a "get on get off" tour bus while I worked and we stayed up rather late laughing as we always do. I slept with Mami in the bed, holding her hand(s) from time to time, much as I did when I was a child.
We got to see family in West New York we hadn't seen in years (up to 30 some odd years for my mom) and it was quite lovely.
I first joked with Tommy telling him to try posing for an online dating site:
After two no you shouldn't pose like that poses, I got the silly-great shot!
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| See VOILA! Ladies he's single, loves Sex and the City (yes I perrrrrrrrromise you he's straight!) AND can get you free Greyhound tickets. 18 hour bus ride anyone? |
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| Titi Gloria, flowers in hand READY to NJ-it up |
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| We love our Titi! |
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| We DO NOT know who this guy in the glasses is... |
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| Mama and her boyz... |
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| Our very cool taxi shuttle thing over there. Tio was picking us up (this man is in his 70/80s and chipper as anything else. It was QUITE a walk to the pier but it was lovely out. |
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| Don't she make the water look betters? |
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| Our new cousin! Well new since we didn't know he was our cousin |
A great trip. We headed back to the city but a random thing happened once we got back to the Pier.
We were waiting for the shuttle to take us back into midtown central. Well we were about to board one bus, then yelled at (it is NYC after all) to not get on this one... Then someone told us TO get on that bus. Then the operator could not get the wheelchair ramp to work. A man (who worked there) saw us going back and forth (with a wheelchair mind you) in confusion.
He then tells us to go to this other bus.
That driver gets us on the bus but then tells EVERYONE who is NOT WITH US to get off the bus.
We look at them.
They look at us (with a WTF face).
We look at them and the driver.
They leave.
We then get a PERSONAL ride back to central midtown. A bus. For 5 people.
Hilarious and mom took the victorious picture:
Flashing forward to them returning back, my mother had to use the restroom before getting on the bus. Wheelchair bound (from three separate amputations on her left foot/leg) she got in line and waited at least 20 minutes. She came back telling us how women were complaining to be in line, and no one offered to let her go ahead as she saw people easily entering the handicap designated toilet saying "And I just stood there so happy and waited my turn". That was my mom. True grace, happiness and a huge ball of love.
This was just before/around Memorial Weekend. I was flying high, feeling super charged to be at work and enjoying my pace of life, especially knowing my London trip was coming up. However life intervened and really put things in a massive blur.
Its not common I thank someone/friends for getting married, but in some ways I have Emily Phillips to thank. She married her lovely husband Dan last summer, July 2nd 2011. I committed early on to going and didn't want anything to get in the way of going. I struggled between driving to Rochester (again, let me thank hindsight that car pooling was not an option) or flying. Once flying became the option, I found that adding a flight through Cincinnati (to see my folks in KY) wasn't rather cheap.
After the wedding I spent about four hours sleeping on the airport floor, tucked away in some corner as I'm not really sure you're allowed to sleep at the airport. The place was a ghost town.
I woke, took my early plane to CVG and soon was in the embrace of my family (about five people came to pick me up); at one point I would think this was crazy/unnecessary but now I'm so glad. Another memory of hugs.
We hung out, laughed (like crazy), and went to see Transformers 3 at 10 which got us out at 1am. Got home, a little more talking. Woke up, hung out, ate breakfast/lunch and hung out at home. My mother was preparing food and such for a fourth of July cookout we were having and true to fashion we had about 14 people staying at our house. My Titi Mirna was in town from PR, my Titi Gloria/Caraballo klan was in from Cleveland. It was lovely.
Feeling sleepy from NYC life and such I took a nap.
The following is the eulogy I read at my mother's funeral, just a few days later...
I would like to thank our family and friends who have come today. It means the world to me, my brother and my father.
I would like to begin with the most insignificant part of my mother's life.
This past Sunday evening, I woke up to my father's screams, having found her face down in the bath tub floor. It was a moment that is rather haunting, continually scary but I realize it is NOT even a mere fragment of truth of who my mother was, a reflection of the life my mother led nor shared with the rest of the world. She suffered a heart attack, and given her medical history, her physical heart could not handle the trauma. But this was a woman with a huge emotional heart.
My mother (and father who share the same birthday) was born on October 8th 1953 in Puerto Rico. She moved to the US mainland shortly there after, spending much living in New York and New Jersey.
Many would agree, that the early part of my mother's life was extremely harsh and not ideal for any child. Earlier this week my father shared that he thought these significant events, early on in her life, complicated/led to her future health conditions.
As a child, having seen her mother be physically abused, she too suffered at the hands of sexual, physical and emotional abuse.
Living in a time, where you only leave the house when you're married, Mami (repeated only what she knew) and married into an extremely abuse marriage. These years of this marriage were dark one's for my mom. From an early age, mom openly shared this with us. She knew that honesty would free us from the same tragedy and the we have options to live a better life.
Enter my father.
When she met him, in her own words, Mami HATED Papi. But after many failed attempts to set him up with other women (YES orchestrated BY my mother), my mother began to fall for Papi. They'd meet secretly at the bakery to talk, and find time to hide away and talk (and last year she shared that there were KISSES of to the side in the factory they both worked at). Time to time, my father would tell her that she didn't have to endure her husband's physical abuse, that she was worthy of a man who would love her, honor her and provide a life away from the only she was living.
And one day my mother made a choice that changed the entire projection of her life. One day my father told my mom (mind you they had not been dating at all, and there interactions were restricted to the stolen moments in line at a local bakery) that he was going to move her away. He packed his suitcase, told his mother to visit Mami's Mom (Abuela Norma) and to tell her that he was taking Madeline away and he would contact them soon.
And with that, after an 8 hour drive to Cleveland OH my mother (who had been hiding the entire way there with her head crouched down in the back seat afraid for her life) my mother and father began their life anew.
She took his name, his commitments and they journeyed on to a life... A life that spanned over 36 years together.
As a son, my mother loved me completely. I always knew that i was loved, accepted and praised. Mami always lit up when she would see me, whether it was after a long stretch being away from home or just entering the room having just left a few minutes earlier. She spent so many moments of her life loving others, praising her sons and loving her husband. Such a true rich and deeply affecting woman.
As my friend Sonia shared "she was an angel from heaven. She always welcomed me with so much love and made me feel like a daughter. I will cherish her forever."
Sad as it may be I've thought about delivering this eulogy for a long while. Having seen the drastic effects of diabetes, heart disease, stroke, high blood pressure and other ailments plague my family, I sadly thought about this day often. About how and what to say. It was hard because she was stubborn about the change that could redirect the course of her life. At the same time, how does someone who's gone through so many things give up control and trust a new way of life. I believe that though there were other options, she did the best she could. For her and herself alone. To her credit she did embrace changes, but long term effects of her disease crippled her life.
My wish today is that you leave here today knowing that you have to take care of yourself. its the best way to live a long life and the best way to help and serve others. The better we take care of ourselves, the better available we are to help and take care of others. Its as simple as that. If you have diabetes be realistic in the ways that you sit with this disease. I'm tired of seeing our family destroyed by this disease. The outcome of lost limbs, blindness and heart disease are not and should not be an expected part of our lives.
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These last few years of Mami's life were quite unlike any in her life. She and Papi traveled to Santa Fe New Mexico to see me perform with the opera there. She and I then drove up to Colorado to see our cousin Ben. Then we headed cross country from Colorado to Kentucky. The endless talks, laughter and heart felt conversations were things I loved best about my mom. She and Papi got to see me sing at Carnegie Hall, and came to visit me a few more times in New York. In January they came to see me off at my farewell recital before leaving for Germany for three months. After the recital I went back with Mami and Papi to the hotel and said goodbye. As I laid there with Mami, we held each other and cried. Cried for the love we had and the love we would miss through the distance. A love so profound in my life.
Last year we took our first true family travel destination vacation to Puerto Rico. And quite frankly its the most vibrant, loving memory I have of the four of us. We toured around the island, stayed a resort and drank poolside while we laughed and went on and on. Looking back it seemed like such an effortless blissful stretch of time. So full of courage and determination, Mami got in the water for the first time in four years and the four of us just floated, talking for four hours. I remember never being more proud of anyone in my entire life. During that trip she reconnected with her sister Muneca whom she hadn't been around since she left Puerto Rico as a young child some 56 years earlier. That was profound, heart breaking and special all the same. It restored a connection to a part of our family that Tommy and I never had.
In May Mami and Tommy came to NYC and we again had an amazing time together. One that was simple, loving and forever with me. I loved and will miss sleeping next to her, holding her hands. I will miss seeing her hold my father's hand in a cab after 35 years of marriage. I will miss her meeting my friends and loving them from the very moment she hugged them.
My last wish is for my father. If you love him, please take care of him. Let us all really stand behind our words, sentiments and convictions we have today for my mom.
If you live near by, invite him to dinner. Visit him. Have him grill for you.
If you live far away, call him. Visit him, invite him for a weekend getaway.
Lets stand by him and define love by the genuine love and support we share with him in our day to day actions.
The love we give and share is the same love that is inside of us. It is the same giving love that defined Mami's life experience and the same one that can forever change us for the better.
Always,
Edwin
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| Outside of The Met during Vega trip to see Jerry Springer the Opera (January 2008) |
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| PR Trip; First family destination vacation May 2010 |
